I’ve just been on an International Intensive Training (IIT) in Sweden as a support trainer. It was a nine-day immersion in NVC, which I found enriching, connecting and full of learning opportunities. There were 67 of us in total from 18 different countries. It made me realise that we can be so different and yet so connected when we recognise each other’s humanity. 

NVC and spirituality

One day the theme was ‘social change’. We reflected on a quote by Marshall Rosenberg, ‘Unless we, as social change agents, come from a certain spirituality, we are likely to cause more harm than good.’ This made me ask myself: What is spirituality? Is it the same as religion?

Father Chris Rajendram, a Jesuit priest from Sri Lanka and certified trainer, held a session on loving presence every day. That morning I decided to join his session, hoping to find answers to my questions. 

Loving presence – the core of NVC

I mades some notes of what he said: “Everyone has some kind of spirituality, whatever it looks like, despite their religion.”

Another participant asked, “Do I need religion to practice spirituality or are there ethical guidelines for humans?”

Father Chris replied, “Spirituality is the relationship you have with yourself and the universe. It’s always there. How you are connected is independent from your religion. Something else you need is community. This is where religion comes in, it becomes an organisation. The quality of connection is Love. For me, spirituality is how I practise loving presence in challenging times. Loving presence is the core of NVC.”

“I mean loving presence to yourself. If you have difficulties outside, you need to look inside and be present with yourself. Once you are present to yourself and you can feel compassion, you can be compassionate to others.”

“Presence to yourself needs practice. Loving presence means you accept the other person because you accept yourself, you’re truly present to yourself, including limitations. Accepting who you are with all your limitations is the first step.“

Later he said: “You can’t make changes unless you come from yourself. Love is the only energy that works.“

My reflections

I’m touched and inspired by his words. Having known, lived and shared NVC for a while, it makes all sense to me. I really appreciate his wisdom. I now have a much clearer understanding of how important it is to understand the spirit of NVC. If you use it as a tool to get what you want, it’s no longer NVC and it can even cause pain to the other person. Practising NVC means cultivating a loving presence with yourself and others, and enabling social change from within. It really helps to be part of a community of like-minded people because we are social beings.

Next Steps

Would you like to experience community life with like-minded people, and have you already completed an NVC foundation training course? If so, you might be interested in taking the next step in living NVC.

NVC Year Training Taster 7 September – hear more about our NVC Year Training, ‘Building Community’ which starts 2 October. Places are still available.